Chapter 5. I'm going to take care of you

By Elizabeth.

He left me.

Suddenly.

It was a bucket of cold water.

He left when I least expected it.

He said goodbye, that I shouldn't bother him, and that our son shouldn't call him.

That anguish will never be erased.

He told me not to worry about the financial aspect, that he was leaving me the house.

I'm honestly staying in this house for Matías, because he deserves it, because he's my son.

I know that if I were to leave, I would probably bring that other woman into my house, the one who stole my love.

For me, this house is much more than that, it's my home.

It is my love nest, now empty, where I lived hours of love, of passion, hours where we shared a thousand things with Gonzalo.

He suddenly decided to leave me.

It was because of another desire.

If he thinks I'm guilty, I'm not going to stop him.

Guilty of what?

If she wants a divorce, I'll sign it.

One thing I'm sure of: she's no better than me.

Sooner or later she's going to realize that we didn't have a two-day relationship, that it won't be easy for her to forget what we had, we were a family.

She's going to miss our son

I really hope she reconsiders and when she misses him, she'll see him again.

He dumped me.

He never stopped being a father.

—Daddy?

He asked me when our little one woke up.

—Dad has a lot of work and had to go on a trip, he'll be back for a while.

-Because?

—For work, my dear.

—I want to see it.

—She left early and told me to give you a huge kiss and to behave yourself.

—Can I call him?

—No, honey, there's no signal on the plane.

He started to cry, but I kissed and cuddled him so much that he settled down, or at least that's what he showed.

I couldn't bear my sadness any longer.

I don't know if Matías sensed it, but he accepted it immediately; it wasn't what he normally did, especially since I've been pregnant.

—While daddy's not here, you're going to be the man of the house.

—Yes, Mommy, I'll take care of you.

Without further ado, I started to cry; I couldn't help it.

—What's wrong, Mommy? Why are you crying?

—Your words touched me, darling.

-I love you very much.

—I love you too, I adore you and I will always love you, when your little sister is born I will continue to adore you too and you will be her big brother, between you and me we will take care of her.

He hugged me in silence.

Maybe he understood that from now on we're going to be alone.

I feel that my little one is much more of a man than his father.

I can't keep crying in front of him

I'm going to scare him.

I don't want him to think that his father abandoned him.

He abandoned me, but he's still his father. Maybe he'll regret it and decide to see me. I won't allow my son to resent his father.

I will do everything I can to ensure that he continues to love and respect his father.

I took him to kindergarten.

I gave her thousands of kisses.

When I got home, I broke down.

I cried like never before.

I thought I was its owner.

What I believe is that if he leaves me, pregnant and with a child, he'll leave her too; he won't commit to anything, not even to me, his wife.

I don't know if I think this way because I'm resentful.

I look at my belly, it's huge, I understand I can't attract him. But divorce?

However, I wouldn't change my status for anything, not even for him.

At one point I realized I couldn't hold on to it.

I gave him my life.

Thank God I was able to take law courses; I only had two left to take and I would graduate as a lawyer.

He never asked me about my faculty.

I didn't talk to him about it either, after that first time.

I feel that Gonzalo made a mistake again; I always gave in and forgave a lot of little things.

He's like Mati, they're both quite capricious and I gave in to his whims, the less important ones.

He was always quite selfish, but I loved him, because on the other hand he was tender, affectionate, kind, hardworking, a good father and as a lover he would take me to the very sun.

So much so, his caresses burned me.

I'm trembling, he clearly didn't feel the same way about me.

I just hope that Matías can forgive him, that he forgives him for abandoning me, for not saying goodbye, for not facing me or explaining that since he didn't love me anymore, he was leaving and that he also planned to distance himself from him.

My stomach is hard, I lie down for a while.

The two cleaning ladies didn't dare to ask at first why she was crying.

Maria called me to ask if I wanted to have lunch.

-Lady…

—Tell me.

I say, wiping away my tears.

—Excuse me...but did something happen to you?

—She left me.

He looks at me and looks at my belly.

It is unheard of for a husband to suddenly leave his wife, who is so many months pregnant.

—Yes, Gonzalo left me, he left, the only thing I told Matías is that his father is traveling.

I burst into tears again, heartbroken and desperate.

—He can come back, maybe he got angry about something.

I open the dressing room, I show it to him empty.

Tears are falling from her eyes too.

-I'm not hungry.

—She needs to eat something; the baby inside her belly needs to be fed.

You're right.

Very difficult days lie ahead for me.

I never had many friends, and the one I talk to most is Monica, Damian's wife. He's my former boss and Gonzalo's best friend, so I can't even call her.

Selva and Jorge, who are his friends, are also there.

I even left my friends for him.

The doorbell rings.

Maria tells me that Lucia is there, she is Alberto's wife, Gonzalo's father.

You probably already know that he left me.

—Beautiful!

She says while hugging me.

I started crying again.

I can't take it anymore.

I'm very sensitive.

I couldn't even answer him.

—He's going to regret it, I want you to know that you have our support, mine and Alberto's.

-Thank you.

Gonzalo really hurt me a lot.

I'm devastated.

—When you have to go to the check-ups, I'll go with you, or if you want to leave Mati with us at some point or if you feel bad, you just have to call me, or simply call me if you want to talk.

I hugged her tightly; I couldn't stop crying.

—He left me suddenly, he left and I know he has a lover, I gave him everything, I was always there for him.

—We know it, and I personally know that if it weren't for you, Gonzalo would never have spoken to his father again, and we probably wouldn't have even married Alberto.

—I don't know if that much.

—Yes, Eli, we all know how capricious Gonzalo is.

—I can't take it anymore.

—Linda, I know it's difficult and that he may have become infatuated with that woman, but he's going to regret it and want to come back. If you don't forgive him, we're all going to support you.

—Thank you…Do you know her?

—No, Gonzalo said that when they returned from Europe he was going to introduce her to us, and Alberto replied that at home there is only room for you and the children, which is the respect you deserve.

—But Gonzalo is his son.

—He has to earn respect, and what he did wasn't manly; he left you just weeks before you were due to give birth.

-Thank you.

—Thank you for being who you are.

We hugged again.

She stayed until I went to pick up Matías from kindergarten.

Mati was calm in the afternoon.

I tried not to cry, I focused on my son.

I tried to stay calm for my baby.

When I went to bed that night, anguish gripped me again.

I gave myself completely to him.

I gave myself over without considering the consequences.

How could I have been so blind?

How can I love him so much?

I remember her laughter, her caresses, her kisses.

I need to recover, but I don't know when I'll be able to.

Without Gozalo, I am a different person.

I miss it.

Was it all fake?

Who gets their caresses?

He let me worship him, let me give him my life, and then he left.

He's capricious. Was I a whim for him? Or is it this new woman?

He swore eternal love to me.

Did he lie to me for so many years?

Who lives with him now?

Will he make love to her like he did to me?

Will she feel like she's dying of happiness in his arms?

I can't stop crying.

Despite his whims and selfishness, I thought he was perfect, I love him.

All I know is that the man I love left me, he's in the arms of another woman...enjoying a love he denied me.

He said it very clearly, to him I'm pathetic.

There will be no more nights where I waited for him anxiously and we lost ourselves in each other's arms, when we devoured each other with kisses and made love until dawn.

Now he's doing it with someone else.

Who will wait for him?

Who will give him all their love?

I always believed I was a strong woman.

I studied when he wasn't around and couldn't wait to show him my law degree so he could be proud of me.

I don't have to prove anything to him anymore.

Neither how I cultivate myself, nor what a good mother I am, nor how much I love him.

Nothing matters, not how good a person I am, nor how hard I tried to make everything perfect for him.

I feel that I will never be able to detach my heart from his love.

Of course I understand what he did.

He left me without caring about anything, not even his children.

Although deep down, I still hope he'll come running home, saying he's sorry.

And although his infidelity hurts me, at this point it's stupid to deny it; I would forgive him without asking him anything, without making any reproaches.

Perhaps that's why he left.

He knows he can come back and that I'll always be waiting for him.

What I'm thinking is crazy.

But I breathe and live for him.

Will he remember me, or does he not even recall me?

Will he miss Mati?

That hurts me even more.

I wish I could have him by my side, be enveloped in an embrace, and that this embrace could last forever.

We're not going to listen to old songs anymore while we kissed shamelessly.

I feel his emptiness.

My life turned into a cold winter.

It had been so long since he kissed me like that, and I didn't realize I was losing him.

How long had she wanted to leave home?

Have you already forgotten me?

Will the day ever come when I can forget him?

That thought distressed me even more.

Is this what love is like?

I know that even if I manage to forget him, I will never feel for anyone else what I feel for him.

It hurt me deeply when she left; she wanted to reduce me to nothing.

It was inhumane.

Not only with me, but with my children.

The day will come when I can speak honestly with Matías.

That day will hurt Gonzalo more than it will hurt me.

He didn't even love me one last time.

He wasn't attracted to me.

Their love ended.

I couldn't caress him to feel his skin, his scent, the taste of his mouth one last time.

He just left me like that, without another word.

I'm going to cry many nights; his absence is noticeable and profound.