" FATHER, I HAVE SINNED. I HAVE A CONFESSION."
I lean against the confession booth and sob silently. I hate my life , I hate everything. Do you know that feeling of wanting something badly and then your best friend took it away? I felt useless for letting it happen in the first place.
" What is it my child?" The priest's voice comes out through the window.
I sniffle and sob. I don't even know where to start from. I remembered my tiny little self and my family. But where are they? They turned their backs on me.
Few days earlier...
" I'm really happy for you Ariel for finally being a sister in church." Leslie said from beside me. We were at the dinning room eating cause dad decided to make a family dinner to celebrate my success. I've been called into the convent to be a nun. That's been my dream since highschool.
It's normal for me. Naturally I'm an introvert and possibly I love my simple life. I'm not really the type who wanna get involved with friends or even the media. Father hated it. He's a deacon in our parish and he's really respected. We've lived our life in truth and fear of God. I think that's one of the reasons my parents hated social gathering. I'd never had a boyfriend and I'm really grateful because I've always wanted to be a nun.
Weird part is no boy ever asked me out. I'm this crazy nerd back then in highschool but I care not. Leslie was a little normal , because she sort of had admirers. I dress normal. Like every normal Christian daughter who's a Deacon's daughter.
" My baby is gonna be the first sister in this house. I'm glad you kept your virginity." Mom chuckled with a wide smile.
"Virginity doesn't decide if you can qualify being a sister." Leslie said.
"That doesn't matter. She took a good step and I'm happy she's finally taking her vows." Mom giggles.
" When are you going back?" Alexa asked. She's my cousin and too naughty. She likes boys and always wanna dress fancy. Dad sees her as a bad egg and hated seeing her around our apartment. Nobody dares to make hell in our house.
" Tomorrow." I replied her. The rest of the evening was really exciting because my parents spend the entire evening advising me.
The following day I left the house for my new home. The convent. I met the mother superior who announced I'll be taking my vows the following day. I've spent almost two and a half months here and it was better than I thought. I guess that's what nerds deserve.
" Hey Freddie." I said on the phone. Freddie's my best friend. We've been friends since elementary school and finally till we left highschool.
" Sup Ariel."
" I'm fine. How are you?"
He sighed." I'm good. I sort of missed my best friend. What are you doing?"
" Nothing. I met the mother superior and she said I'm taking my vows tomorrow. Hope you're good?" I asked him on the phone.
" Yeah. I really haven't seen you since prom night. Truth is I'm really glad you're finally becoming a sister in church." I smiled and stared at my reflection in the mirror. My parents are not even aware I have a male best friend. I'm sure they would have gotten rid of him.
" Are you back from Florida?"
" Yeah. I'm in the states now."
" Okay. I'm gonna drive to your house and possibly spend few hours before returning back to the convent."
" That'll be nice of you." I nodded to nothing and hung up.
I remembered when we were in highschool close to prom. Freddie's the first person who ever told me I'm really beautiful and I believed that. I once had a crush on him in junior year but i made sure I didn't tell him. We were always together and we both won homecoming. I love that night , that was the night he told me i was beautiful. Afterwards I hoped he was gonna tell me he liked me but then he told me he had a huge crush on Aida. Then she was school's most popular girl.
I hated her , I've always hated her. She was a bully , always made me feel inferior like I was nothing. Making jest of my looks and everything about me. And when Freddie told me he liked her , i hated her more. I cried that day at school's bathroom and cursed her endlessly. She took what I've always wanted. Sadly they dated and Freddie was really happy. I've never seen him that happy before.
I moved on. Looked at my reflection and decided to take back everything. Maybe that was when I discovered I was supposed to be a sister , not getting angry at my best friend because he didn't have feelings for me. Unluckily they broke up. Aida dumped Freddie for school's new hottie.
" Ariel..." Freddie smiled and hugged me once I reached his apartment. I've been here once and since then it's void.
" Wow. Look at you Freddie. How long have i seen you?"
" A year ago." I chuckled and smile.
" Please sit." He offered and I nodded before sitting.
" What should I get you?"
" Maybe water."
" I'll be right back." I watched Freddie turn to a corner which I assume it's the kitchen. My eyes glanced at the TV set and everything around his apartment. I forgot to mention , Freddie's parents are sort of rich though.
" There you go..." he motioned to me giving me a glass of water.
" Thank you." I told him and gently take a sip.
" You're welcome. How's it been with you? Look at you, you look more beautiful Ariel. It hurts a little that you're now in the convent." Oh really?
" It's what I've always wanted." I defend.
" Really? I remembered when we were in highschool, you've always wanted to go to college and then major in clinical psychology or maybe business."
" Psst." I scoff and stare blankly at him. Where's he trying to dive to? I think we all have our own rights to make our own choices , right?
" Freddie are you okay?" I asked him and drop the glass of water on the table.
" Of course I am." He smiled." Are you done drinking?" He motioned to the water.
" Not really." I blinked and took a sip again. I felt a bit dizzy. I drop back the water and rub my already sweaty palm on my habit.
" Are you okay?"
" Yeah. I just feel a little dizzy. I'm good." No I'm not good. My head's pounding and I felt weak.
Freddie smiled at me and his frequent smiles are giving me creeps. What is happening to me? He stood up from his chair and sat close to me. I wanted to move a little but I trusted him , he's my best friend.
" Are you sure you're okay, Ariel?" He asked with a smirk touching my thighs.
" Freddy what are you doing?" I wanted to yell at him but my voice sneak out like a whisper.
" Nothing. I just can't stop admiring you. I really wish you can stop this nun madness and let me love you Ariel." What! I wanted to move far away from him but something is wrong. I felt weak like I was drugged. Wait! He drug the water?
" Freddie , what did you put in the water?"
" Something that's gonna make you weak. Let me love you Ariel." He smirked touching my lap through my habit. I wanted to remove his hand but nothing is working. I feel powerless.
He continued touching me and I couldn't help but plead.
" Fred , don't do this. You're my best friend and we've been friends since childhood. You can't take advantage of me , I'm taking my vows tomorrow in church."
" Fuck the church." he yelled and that made me flinched.
" I want you Ariel and I'm having you." With anger laced in his voice he lift me off the ground and kissed me roughly. I fought , I cried , I pleaded but nothing makes any sense to Freddie. He was different , all I could see is lust in his eyes.
" Freddie don't do this." I pleaded. Freddie hissed and slapped me. He aggressively pushed me against the couch and fondled every of my parts.
I kicked but he was stronger. He removed every of my clothing and have his way with me. I couldn't move. I lay still on the couch and cried , but that wouldn't change anything. My best friend just stole my innocence.
" You should wear this." he said stretching some clothings at me. I turn to look at him and sob. Why his he acting like it's nothing. Like he did nothing.
" I don't hate you Ariel. I want to be your boyfriend." He's not okay. He needs to go to rehab.
I wiped my tears and shamelessly got up from the couch to pick up the remains of my habit which he successfully tore when having his way with me.
" I hope God forgives you , Freddie." A stronger part of me wanted to yell at him , cursed him, hit him, but I wasn't that strong woman. I was this nerdy girl who was raised differently.
" Ariel , it's no big deal. I'm not leaving you. I want to be with you."
" You're not okay. You're acting like it's nothing. Freddie you stole my virginity. You raped me. Abused me and took advantage of our friendship. God's gonna judge you and I'm sure he will." My eyes met in contact with the blood on the chair.
I sniffled and ran out of the house to my car. I hated myself for everything. Why did I pay him a visit in the first place. Of course it's because I trusted him. I tapped my wheel endlessly and cried. What's my life gonna be like. With tears still in my eyes, I ignite the engine and drive out of his house. I barely could see but I hold back my pain till I'm close to my house. I climb down from my car only to find my mom and dad talking outside.
" Mom" I sob and collapsed on the floor.
I blinked my eyes several times and open it. I could see faces smiling at me. I sit up at once but someone quickly grab my arm and lay me back.
" Ariel." Mom cooed beside me stroking my hair.
" Mom..." I resume crying again.
" Baby calm down okay. Talk to us, what happened? You've been sleeping since yesterday and mother superior had been worried. You're supposed to take your vows today right?"
I can't believe I've been sleeping since. So I'm supposed to tell them I got raped. What will they see me as? That I'm no longer a virgin.
" I got raped." I burst out. The smile on my mom's face disappeared. Including dad's and Leslie's.
" Raped?" Leslie asked. I couldn't bring myself to explain. I feel like a looser and a worthless person.
" Ariel , who raped you?" Mom yelled and her anger already crowded the house?
" Ariel we're talking to you. Who raped you?" Dad scolded.
" Who's Freddie?"
That's the issue , who's Freddie ?
" Freddie is my best friend. We've been friends since highschool."
" What! You've been keeping a male friend since highschool and we're not even aware?" Mom roared.
" How are we even sure he's not your boyfriend? Your dirty little boyfriend that you've been hiding , huh?" Dad asked glaring at me.
" Daddy no... it's just..."
" It's just what? You sneaked out of the convent to visit your boyfriend and then have sex with him , you're here telling us nonsense. What type of daughter are you? Why can't you be like Leslie?" Dad fired.
I couldn't believe my ears. They are always comparing me to Leslie. She's the good girl. Always the family's favorite. I remembered it was when I told my parents I wanted to be a nun after highschool they started making me feel special. How could they accuse me after I told them the truth?
" You're a disgrace Ariel. You've always been a disgrace and I regretted having you. Get ready to explain to the church how come you were raped when you're about taking your vows." Mom scoffed, obviously irritated by me.
" I hope God forgives your sins you dirty little whore." Dad cursed. What!
" Shut up. Don't ever call me your dad."
That was it. I watched them walk out of my room in disgust. I hated myself. I hated Freddie more. He changed everything but I wasn't ready to take it to heart. I stood before the Pope and i really couldn't say anything. The story doesn't make any sense to them . I drove out of the convent to visit my male best friend and I got raped.
" You have to leave the convent Ariel. You comitted fornication and you lied that you were raped. You're expelled from the convent. I hope your sins are forgiven."
" You should leave..."