The real world

Everywhere was crowded, people brushed shoulders against me without apologizing. It was very new, Montgomery’s estate was different.

By evening, the rain had stopped completely.

My clothes were dry in some places and damp in others. It clung uncomfortably to my skin as I walked aimlessly through the unfamiliar streets.

I had nowhere to go, and that realization followed me with every step.The church had given me enough time to bury my mother and I was grateful for it. They would have given me a place to stay too but I did the right thing by leaving.

I wouldn't regret leaving.

But it sounded like convincing myself, deep down I was beginning to regret it. Before me, the city moved too fast to care if someone had lost everything overnight. I reached into my pocket and touched the rosary carefully. The only thing I had left of my mother. It was there as a reminder that I wouldn’t ever see her again.

My fingers brushed against another object. It was the card from the gala. I pulled it out and stared. The paper was slightly bent from the rain, but the number was still very visible.

I stared at it for a long moment before I slipped it back into my pocket.

Not yet. I had already begged enough for one lifetime.

My stomach tightened painfully.

A painful consequence of my decisions. I hadn’t eaten since morning. Actually, longer than that.

I exhaled slowly and kept walking. No matter how bad it got at the house, I could still eat the leftover meals of my mother.

The city lights brightened as evening deepened, and I realized how much time had passed since I started this aimless journey. A part of me wanted to go back and beg but the promise that I wouldn’t kneel again just wouldn’t leave my mind. The street was wet and neon signs flickered across wet roads. There were restaurants, bars, and even stores but I couldn’t afford any of it.

“Ethan?”

I froze.

I knew that voice. I turned and Dan Vergo stood a few feet away near a convenience store entrance, holding a plastic bag and staring at me with confusion.

Then his eyes widened.

“Holy shit,” he muttered. “You look terrible.”

I almost laughed, but I didn’t have the strength to.

Dan moved closer to me,

“What happened to you?”

I opened my mouth but nothing came out of it.

Because where exactly was I supposed to start?

My dead mother? My father?

The fact that I left the house knowing no where else to run to. Or that I rejected the priest’s kind offer?

Dan's expression changed.

His confusion faded and was quickly replaced with concern.

“Ethan…” he said more quietly this time.

I looked away immediately.

“You don’t have to say anything right now.”

“I left the house .”

Dan stared at me for a few seconds and I wondered what questions he had next.

“Okay.”

I blinked in surprise. It was everything but okay.

“Okay?”

“Yeah, you are staying with me.”

I frowned immediately.

“No.” I protested before I could think about anything.

“No?” Dan repeated. “What do you mean no?”

“I’m not becoming your problem.”

Dan looked genuinely offended.

“You say that like my apartment isn't suffering enough.”

Despite everything, a weak breath escaped me.

It was so close to a laugh.

I had been to Dan's once. He was the one person who ever acknowledged me after my mother.

He pointed at me immediately.

“There”

“What?” I asked

“That emotion, keep doing it”

I shook my head slightly.

“You don’t understand.”

“No,” he replied. “You don’t understand. You look like you fought a hurricane and lost.”

His expression softened afterward.

“Come on, man.”

I hesitated.

Not because I didn’t want help but because accepting could mean begging.

Dan noticed my hesitation and before I could continue thinking he slung his arm across my shoulder

“You can crash at my place and you can also decide not to, but at least eat first before you collapse dramatically in public.”

My stomach betrayed me immediately with a sharp ache accompanied by a gurgling sound.

Dan raised an eyebrow.

“See? Even your organs agree with me.”

Another weak almost-laugh escaped me.

kindness felt unfamiliar now, it was really suspicious.

But I was exhausted.

And for the first time since leaving the church, I realized something,

I didn’t want to be alone.

So I nodded once.

Dan grinned instantly.

“There he is, let’s go man!”

He sounded excited. That was my role.

He told me stories about our other classmates on our way to his place. He didn’t get much of a reaction from me but he didn’t seem to mind.

When we arrived at his place I couldn’t help but wonder how he survived.

The apartment was really small, like painfully small. It wasn’t even the apartment I had been to, apparently he moved to a smaller place due to financial issues. The building looked older than both of us combined, the elevator was barely functioning and the hallway lights flickered every few seconds.

But it felt warm and it was a contrast to the cold Montgomery mansion.

A couch sat awkwardly beside stacks of books and unfolded laundry while music played softly from an old speaker near the kitchen.

The place looked chaotic but very human. No, very Dan Vergo.

I stood near the entrance quietly and glanced back at me.

“What?”

I looked away slightly.

“Nothing.”

But it wasn’t nothing, it was warm and gratitude swirled in my belly. I didn’t realize how cold I was.

Dan tossed me a towel.

“Bathroom’s to the left. Try not to die while showering, the water is cold”

I caught the towel and before I knew it, I said

“Thank you.”

The words felt strange in my mouth, I only said it to my mother anytime she insisted on leaving me some food.

Dan waved dismissively.

“Don’t make it emotional. I’ll start charging rent.”

He disappeared into the kitchen afterward. He sure knows how to make me feel less pathetic. I stood there a moment longer before finally moving toward the bathroom.

The bathroom was even smaller and more chaotic than the room. The mirror inside was cracked slightly near the left corner.

As I stared at my reflection silently. I saw the big dark circles that sat beneath my eyes. My hair was wet. Exhaustion was etched into every part of my face.

I barely recognized myself.

For a moment, all I could see was the boy kneeling on the floor begging his father to save his mother.

Weak and powerless.

I removed the rosary from my pocket and wrapped it carefully around my left wrist. It was a reminder that I will never again kneel, a promise that never again will I be powerless. I looked at my reflection one last time before turning away and leaving the bathroom. Outside, I could hear Dan moving around the kitchen carelessly, humming off key like the world hadn’t ended.

And I was jealous. For me, everything had changed.

The Ethan everyone knew had been buried alongside my mother and what is left of him has to survive so her death would be worth it.