Chapter 3

It wasn't until several months later that I learned he had broken up with his girlfriend.

Even though I had convinced myself to let go when he was in a relationship, it was as if that pile of dry wood had been ignited again by a spark.

I started pursuing him openly.

For a year, some said I wasn't good enough for him, some said I was daydreaming, and some even said I was chasing after something cheap...

When I later found out that he was waiting for his first love, I truly felt like a clown.

One time, he got really drunk, and his friends goaded him into calling me. He was probably out of his mind, and he made that call.

So, to make it up to me, he agreed to be with me.

I only knew that at that time, I was genuinely happy, ecstatic even. I knew that in the eyes of his friends, I was a clown, a girl to fool around with.

Perhaps, blinded by love, I became even more enthusiastic.

Out of twenty-four hours a day, for even twenty hours, I stuck to him.

Cornell was really great; he never showed any signs of irritation, but he also never reciprocated my feelings.

Later on, a melodramatic turn of events unfolded, just like in a novel.

Cornell's first love, Phoebe, suddenly returned to the country on the occasion of our second anniversary.

I had asked Cornell about his ex before, and he would always dodge the question, or when pressed, he would lie and say he didn't remember.

I didn't know if he genuinely couldn't remember, but I knew that on my twentieth birthday, he was with his ex.

I was twenty years old when Cornell was just starting his senior year, and he was already in the process of starting his own business, so he claimed to be too busy to keep our appointment. I was just a little disappointed then.

My birthday wish that year was simple: whether Cornell's business venture succeeded or not, I would always stand by him, and I hoped that I would always be the one by his side.

And at a KTV room, I saw him hugging Phoebe Morgan. His face showed a concern and nervousness I had never seen before. Phoebe looked even more beautiful than in the photos, and I couldn't understand how this perfect match could break up. I even self-mockingly thought that if Phoebe had dumped Cornell, it was one thing, but if I suggested to break up with him, it would be utterly embarrassing for him.

So, to save Cornell's dignity, I decided to wait for him to initiate the breakup.

As for my own dignity, I had already given it up when I pursued Cornell. Caring about it at this point would be overly dramatic and insincere.

I've forgotten just how painful my twentieth birthday was.

God didn't help me fulfill my birthday wish; all the wounds had to be endured by me alone.

Now, I even feel a twinge of pity for Cornell - if only he had understood the opportunity I threw to him when I was twenty.

But he didn't.

I was the one who eventually initiated the breakup.

Olive found out from one of Cornell's roommates that Phoebe had left to study abroad in her sophomore year, and that's why the two of them had separated.

During that time, I stopped clinging to Cornell. A couple went three full days without a fight or contact.

I searched online and realized that, essentially, this situation was treated as a breakup.

Oh, this was my second heartbreak.

I suppose it was on the seventh day of Cornell and I not being in contact. There was a campus dance, and a guy from my department invited me to be his dance partner. I admit I needed to numb the pain of heartbreak, so I agreed.

But when Cornell, dressed in a suit, took my hand, he asked why I hadn't contacted him for so long, why I had been dancing with Nick Eleanor. For a moment, I thought he was jealous.

He was in his sharp suit, just like the freshman orientation where I had fallen for him at first sight. The only difference was that back then, I had asked, "Can I have your contact information, senior?" And this time, I looked into his seemingly emotionless dark eyes and said, "Cornell, we've already broken up."