NOT OVER YET

Vanessa’s slim fingers felt clammy against the steering wheel as she thought back to the call she had received earlier from the hospital, the test results were ready.

She reached into the cup holder and brought out a water bottle filled with hot black coffee, she took a sip of her drink to give herself courage and calm her frayed nerves. ‘Bitter and bland’. Exactly what she needs.

She could feel her heart pounding wildly and was sure the sound resonated in the silent car.

She opened the car windows and even the air smelt unmistakably of disaster, maybe just to her, she rolled them back.

‘The drive to the hospital seemed longer than usual’ she thought as she finally drove into the hospital yards, she didn’t bother parking her car in the worker’s lane. Besides she has never really cared for those regular spaces and all.

Taking her step one by one towards the diagnostic room, her heart sank to the bottom of her heart, this was the same hospital she worked every single day yet today it felt as though she was in her personal hell. This was different, this test results would determine her life and future. And she was fast to decide there wouldn’t be any future for her as she already knows what it would read.

She pressed her lips tightly together anxiously as the automatic doors slid open and she let herself into the specialist office,

“Glad you could come in today; it’s your day off”. The doctor said as she sat on one of the chairs in the big room. Life tossed an irony at Vanessa as she, a doctor, literally becomes a patient.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world”. Vanessa finally replied with a hint of sarcasm.

“You look well Vanessa, marriage treats you better”. The doctor continued trying to make small talk to ease the tension in the room but Vanessa wasn’t having it.

“Thank you, now we both know what I am here for.” She bit out, stretching her hand. “Can I have the test results?”

The doctor took no offence and smiled brightly at the tensed Vanessa, “The results would be ready soon, it is in the printing room.”

She nodded and withdrew her hand then interlocked her fingers and began to nervously twitch them together, chewing on her lower lip as she waited for the results.

The clock on the wall ticked as time rolled past, seconds after seconds, minutes after minutes till an hour passed, Vanessa had had it up to here, and her tolerance level is beeping a bright red. “Mrs. Martin, what is with the delay, if you knew I wouldn’t be collecting the results, then why did you place a call to me?”

The doctor still smiled at her, this time quite sadly and asked her to sit back.

After glaring at the nice doctor, she sat down and crossed her legs over each other. “It would be ready in five minutes, I am really sorry.”

The opening of the door made Vanessa tightly twist her fingers together, it must have been quite a painful twist but she was numb and detached as the nurse passed the files to the doctor, closing the door gently behind her as she left the room.

The doctor went through them, humming quietly, shuffling through the piles of paper. She fished out a couple of printed papers and placed them in front of her on the table. She carefully returned the other files into her desk drawer, and then she picked up the papers, extending them towards Vanessa.

She took them and scanned through it, going through her husband’s result first. On the genotype result slip, her husband’s was an AS and blood type, O negative, and he was as clean as a cotton, all his STDs test result came out negative.

She sighed in relief.

She took her time in folding it neatly then placed it inside her handbag, it was time to check hers and she went with the genotype first, it was an AA and blood type read, B positive.

Cold sweat broke out on her forehead as she opened the HIV result, her nerves were in a knot at this moment and her hands were trembling, the paper fell from her hands and she sucked in a deep breath, and bent down to pick up the paper.

She forced her eyes to focus and willed her hands to stop quivering.

She warily read through the result slip, her eyes welling with tears as she got to the last text at the bottom of the result. Just as she had feared and thought, she was HIV positive.

Her heart squeezed in pain and she gasped, trying to get oxygen in her lungs that were closing up. The paper fell again but this time she didn’t pick it, she closed her eyes and hot tears fell behind her closed lids.

She was out of sorts as her life flashed before her eyes and all she could see was her dying and Dylan resenting her forever. She couldn’t bear for that to happen. She has always wanted to bear his children. The pain was so bad and agonizing. She clutched her hand to her chest, to her heart that felt like it was tearing into two-halves.

Vanessa shivered now, despite the humidity of the room and with her other hand, she grasped the end of the table, so tightly her knuckles turned white. Her whole body was trembling and her knees shook.

The doctor looked at her with so much pity and she wanted to hug her and tell her it would be okay. But she didn’t want to startle the woman who seemed to be in shock.

Vanessa’s lips parted in dismay as she tried to gather her scattered senses then she became aware of the doctor’s intent gaze and she sat up straighter. Picking up her napkin, she dabbed at her tears and cleaned her face dry.

She tucked her napkin and the result slip in her bag and she thanked the doctor, standing up to leave.

“Mrs. Compton, have a seat.” The doctor instructed. “I know you must be thinking everything is over as there is no plausible cure yet for HIV but trust me if I tell you there are methods of reducing the virus inside of you”.

There was a poignant pause and the air seemed to thicken.