How Regret Tastes

“Oh, you didn’t tell me you have a stepsister, babe,” His fiancée said, her perfectly lined cat eyes scrutinizing me closely, then lingering a bit on the shirt on me. Her man’s shirt.

What was I even still doing here? My heart was beating fast. A second more, and I would embarrass myself. I walked fast past them, past her sugary perfume, her flirty laughter, and ran up the stairs.

The moment I reached my room, I slammed the door shut and sank to the floor, my hand holding my pounding chest.

What have I done?

I was still sore between my legs, my body still tingling with his touches. I still smelled like his soap. I…still felt new. Like a woman, but a heartbroken shattered woman.

Jeremy has a fiancée?

Then…what we had earlier meant nothing to him? No way. He had a painting of me in his room. Why did he paint me naked? Why did he go all the way with me?

He cared right?

It was the girl who kissed him earlier, he didn’t kiss her. And I was his stepsister in the literal sense, so how else did I expect him to introduce me to his…fiancée?

No, he had no excuse. He should have mentioned having a woman to me. Why did he let me wear his clothes and tell me I was the only one who could wear them?

With labored breath, I stripped off his clothes in disgust and threw them away—far from my sight. I didn’t even realize when the tears started flowing. I felt used.

Climbing into my bed lazily, I covered my naked body with my thick pink blanket. I felt so vulnerable and open. My thumb hovered over Carol’s contact but I couldn’t make the call. What would I tell her? That my stepbrother and I had sex just after we ignored each other at the party earlier?

No.

I thought of calling Sean but that didn’t seem fair to him or me. Calling my boyfriend after I cheated on him would soak me in guilt. My eyes clouded with more tears and I allowed them wet my pillow.

My hand went to the spot just above my chest, where his necklace had brushed against me when he leaned over me. His voice still echoed in my head.

“Tell me to stop…” he had said,

God, why didn’t I tell him to?

*

My stomach growling with hunger was what woke me up the next morning. Looking at myself in the mirror, my eyes were pink and puffy.

Memories of the previous night came rushing forward and I sighed. I didn’t feel like eating, but I had to. I had a class to attend. I would just go downstairs—to the main kitchen and cook something for myself.

My mind wouldn’t stop going to Bianca as I sauntered down the stairs. Did she sleepover? Did they…have sex? Did he tell her she was his just like he had told me? Was that something he said to every woman he got kinky with or it was just me? Oh, I flattered myself—how could it be just me?

My questions were answered because as I got closer to the kitchen, I got a glimpse of Bianca laughing in…the shirt Jeremy wore yesterday night. My heart plummeted in my chest.

I didn’t think I could be more heartbroken than last night. Then as if that wasn’t enough, I caught sight of who she was bickering with. It was John, Jeremy’s father—my mother’s husband. He was back. And he and Bianca were conversing like they had the ‘father and daughter’ kind of relationship.

“I’ve always known you were the best woman for my son. Your father and I are proud of you both, you just have to help me talk him into quitting the ride thing and joining the family business.”

“Of course, he would come around. I know Jeremy so well. He’s just taking his time to quit his motorcycle addiction slowly. Trust me, he will come around”

John leaned towards her and pecked her forehead. “Thanks, daughter.”

I was no match. Bianca was definitely soul-deep into this family, hence why Jeremy introduced her as his fiancée.

I retreated back to my room to take a cold shower and changed into comfy clothes. I didn’t leave my room, didn’t mind skipping class anymore, until my mother came to fetch me for breakfast. I pretended to be in a good mood.

I didn’t see him at breakfast. Bianca was there, bright-eyed and chirpy, joking with John and my mother, Ashley, like she belonged here.

Like she wasn’t a wrecking ball to my chest. The more I looked at her, the more I hated my nerdy look. Her kind of beauty was almost painful to the eyes. She was gorgeous—smoking hot. I had never felt this insecure until now.

“Jeremy had to run out early,” she said casually after my mum asked after him, sipping her mimosa. “He’s always out before I even wake up. That boy and his bikes.”

I blinked under my glasses, keeping my fork moving even though I couldn’t taste a thing. My mom said something about internships, John chuckled about real estate, and Bianca just kept talking like I wasn’t bleeding inside.

“Are you okay, Teyana?” It was John who asked. Now, all eyes on the table were on me.

“I…I’m just having a bit of a headache. I will be fine.” I smiled. I knew how to fake it. That should help.

Then I heard her voice and I almost puked. “You know, Teyan, I’m just so glad that Jeremy has a sister now. I don’t have to bother these old people whenever he’s acting up. I have his sister to report him to and we can bicker about him all day.” She laughed.

I managed to look up at her under my big transparent glasses. I smiled and stiffly nodded, but couldn’t bring myself to say anything this time around. Instead, I stood and pushed the chair backward with my body “I will be in my room.” I excused myself before I choked on the lump in my throat. I didn’t care if they thought I was rude. I just needed time to myself before I drowned in front of everyone.

I avoided Jeremy the whole day. I didn’t go to the library. I skipped lunch. I stayed in Carol’s room on campus and lied about cramps just so I wouldn’t have to talk about anything real.

But two days later, when I went home to pack some stuffs, I heard a knock on my bedroom door.

I thought it was my mum until I opened the door.

My heart stalled in my chest as I saw him standing there. All the memories of what we did a couple of nights ago rushing in.