Chapter 4: Mate?No

I don't sleep.

I lie in my father's bed. His room. His smell is almost gone now. Darius's smell is everywhere. Pine and smoke and something dark.

My wolf won't stop moving.

She wants to go back to the garden. She wants to find him.

I tell her no.

I tell her he is marrying my mother.

I tell her he is the enemy.

She doesn't care.

She shows me pictures instead. Pictures I didn't ask for. His hands. His mouth. The way he looked at my neck.

The way he said he had been looking for me his whole life.

I press my face into the pillow.

"It means nothing," I whisper.

My wolf growls.

The next morning I stay in my room.

The maid brings food. I don't eat.

My mother sends a message. I don't read it.

The sun goes up. The sun goes down.

Another day.

The knock comes at dusk.

I don't answer.

The door opens anyway.

Darius.

He stands in the doorway. His shoulder fills the frame.

He doesn't ask to come in. He just steps inside.

I sit up on the bed. My heart pounds.

"What do you want."

He looks around the room. At my father's things. At the clothes on the floor. At me in the bed.

"You didn't eat," he says.

"I'm not hungry."

"You didn't sleep either."

"How do you know."

He walks closer. Stops at the foot of the bed.

"Because I didn't either."

I look away.

"That's not my problem."

"No," he says. "It's not."

He doesn't leave.

I feel him watching me. His eyes on my face. On my hands. On the way I hold the blanket.

"Why are you here," I say.

"You know why."

"I don't."

He moves around the bed. Comes to my side.

Sits on the edge.

The bed dips under his weight.

I should move. I should get up. I should scream.

I do nothing.

He is close now. Close enough to touch.

I can smell him. Pine. Smoke. Something dark.

My wolf purrs.

I hate her.

"You feel it," he says. Quiet. "Don't lie to me."

"I don't feel anything."

"Kiera."

"Don't say my name like that."

"Like what."

"Like you know me."

He turns his body toward me. His knee touches the blanket. Touches my leg through the fabric.

I stop breathing.

"I want to know you," he says.

"You're marrying my mother in two days."

"I know."

"Then stop."

"Stop what."

"Stop coming close to me."

He leans in.

Just a little.

His face is inches from mine.

"Tell me you don't want me close," he says. "Tell me. And I'll leave."

I open my mouth.

Nothing comes out.

His eyes drop to my lips.

My wolf screams inside me.

Mate, she says.

Mate mate mate.

No.

I shove the word at her. Hard.

No. He is not. He cannot be.

She whines. Pulls back. But she doesn't agree.

Darius is still watching me.

"Nothing," he says. "You said nothing."

"Leave."

"Your mouth says leave. Your eyes say stay."

"You don't know what my eyes say."

He lifts his hand.

Slow.

So slow.

His fingers touch my chin.

Just the tips.

My whole body trembles.

"I know," he says. "Because mine say the same thing."

I should pull away.

I don't.

He tilts my face up. Just a little.

His thumb brushes my lower lip.

I make a sound. I don't mean to. It comes from somewhere deep.

His eyes go dark.

"There it is," he whispers.

I grab his wrist.

I mean to push him away.

But my hand just holds him.

He looks down at my fingers around his arm.

"Your hands are shaking again," he says.

"It's not because of you."

"Liar."

He says it soft again. Like he did in the garden.

I let go of his wrist.

He doesn't move his hand from my face.

"This is wrong," I say.

"I know."

"He was your enemy."

"I know."

"He's dead."

"I know."

"And you're marrying my mother."

His jaw tightens.

"I know what I'm doing."

"Do you."

He drops his hand.

But he doesn't move away.

His face is still close. His breath is warm on my cheek.

"I didn't plan this," he says.

"Plan what."

"You."

The word hangs in the air.

Me.

He didn't plan me.

I don't know what that means.

I don't want to know.

"You should go," I say.

"I should."

He doesn't move.

"Alpha."

"Don't call me that."

"What do I call you."

He looks at my mouth again.

"Darius," he says. "Just Darius. When we're alone."

"We're not alone. The whole pack is here."

"They're not in this room."

He looks at the door. Then back at me.

"No one knows," he says. "No one can know."

"Know what."

"That I can't stop thinking about you."

My heart slams against my ribs.

"That's not my fault."

"It's yours."

"How."

He leans closer.

His nose brushes my hair.

"You exist," he whispers. "That's enough."

I close my eyes.

His breath is in my hair. On my forehead. On my cheek.

I should push him.

I should scream.

I should tell my mother.

But my mother is marrying him.

And my wolf is purring.

And I am not pushing.

He pulls back.

Just enough to see my face.

"Open your eyes," he says.

I open them.

He is looking at me like I am the only thing in the world.

"Tell me to stop," he says. "Tell me to stay away from you. And I will."

I look at his mouth.

His lips.

The way he says my name.

"I can't," I whisper.

"Can't what."

"Tell you to stop."

His breath catches.

I hear it.

His hand comes back to my face.

Both hands now. Holding my cheeks.

His thumbs trace my cheekbones.

"Kiera," he says.

My name in his mouth sounds like a prayer.

Or a sin.

I don't know which.

He leans in.

His forehead touches mine.

We stay like that. Breathing together.

His eyes are closed.

Mine are open.

I watch him.

This man. This stranger. This enemy.

This man who makes my wolf howl.

He is not my mate.

He cannot be.

I deny it.

I deny it with everything I have.

But I don't push him away.

He pulls back. Opens his eyes.

"You're fighting it," he says.

"Yes."

"Don't."

"I have to."

"Why."

"Because you're him."

"Him who."

"The one who took everything."

He flinches.

Just a little. Just his eyes.

But I see it.

"I didn't take your father," he says.

"Someone did."

"Yes."

"Was it you."

He looks at me for a long time.

"No," he says.

I want to believe him.

I don't.

But I want to.

He stands up.

Steps back.

The cold air rushes between us.

"I'll leave," he says. "For now."

"Good."

He walks to the door.

Stops with his hand on the frame.

He doesn't turn around.

"Kiera."

"What."

"The pull you feel. The one you're denying."

"What about it."

He looks over his shoulder.

His eyes are silver in the dark.

"It's not going away."

He leaves.

The door closes.

I sit in the dark.

My wolf is quiet now.

Satisfied.

Because he was close.

Because he came close again.

And I let him.

I put my hand on my chest.

My heart is still racing.

Mate, my wolf whispers again.

No, I tell her.

But my voice is weak.

And she knows it.