Chapter four

Audrey

“What?”

My dressing gown loose around my middle I stilled in the kitchen doorway and stared at my friend who was fully dressed and made up , sitting cross legged at the kitchen island with a coffee in one hand and a deep red apple on the othe.

She took another bite. Munching loudly.

“Found them on the porch this morning.” She shrugged. Her chin jutted to the wicker basket of apples that sat in front of her. “I didn’t think you would mind if I ate one.”

“No.” I shook my head as I stared at the bushel. “You said you found them?”

“Yeah there’s a note.” She took another bite. “I didn’t open it. Looks like you have a secret admirer.”

Rolling my eyes I opened the small envelope. Staring down at the card which was completely bare apart from an embossed G in some fancy cursive gold lettering.

“Secret admirers send flowers not apples Bethan.” I reminded her as I tossed the card back into the basket and headed towards the coffee.

“Well some of them send dead animals and stuff.” She laughed. “So I’d take the apples if I were you,”

I didn’t know what to say to that so I kept my mouth shut. All of last night I had been on edge. Even when we had sat together and talked i couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched. Not even pulling the drapes helped.

It was like the house itself was staring at me.

And when I had gone to bed it had just got worse. Everything pressed in so close , I foiled almost feel breath on the back of my neck. Every creak and noise made me jump.

“You tossed and turned for hours last night.” Bethan said.

“Oh. I didn’t mean to keep you up.”

“The bed squeaks I mean it has to be at least a hundred years old right. It’s seen better days.” She eyed me. “You have seen better days Audrey. You look tired.”

“I am tired. Like you said I haven’t been sleeping well.” Unless I’m in a drunken stupor anyway I added silently.

“It’s this house.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “It’s like some kind of vampire. Sucking the life out of you.”

Laughing my hair came loose from my bun. “I do not have a vampire house Bethan. There isn’t any such thing anyway you need to stop watching all those horror movies. The house is fine it just needs a good clean and for me to fix a few things.”

“And then you will put in on the market?” She asked hopefully. “You are selling right? Please tell me your selling up and coming home?”

Home? I frowned. She didn’t know it and I wouldn’t expect her to understand but my apartment had never felt like home. This house had.

“I don’t know yet.” I admitted with a sigh. Reaching for an apple myself. They looked too delicious not to try one.

“That’s the grief talking.” Bethan sighed. “I mean this place is cute but it’s not home. You would be bored stupid. What would you even do for work?”

Levelling my eyes at her I smiled. “I illustrate children’s books Bethan. I can work anywhere.”

“Jesus you’re serious aren’t you?” The apple fell from her hand and rolled across the counter top towards me. I caught it before it fell onto the ground. “And what about me Audrey?”

“What do you mean?”

“If you move here what about me and our friendship?”

Sighing I reached out and touched the back of her hand. “Our friendship will be just fine. I’ll be a few hours away or the house is big enough come and live with me.” I squeezed her fingers but instead of squeezing mine back she drew her hand back sharply.

“Yeah some of us have jobs in the city.”

Sighing I settled back onto my feet. “What’s going on with you Bethan? What happened at the interview? I thought you would be happy -“

She snarled at me , drawing her lips back from her teeth. “Not everyone’s life is dead rich relatives and houses being left to us in the country Audrey. Some of us have to sacrifice.” She stormed out of the room. “I wouldn’t expect you to understand that.”

***

“I’m sorry.” Her arms wrapped around her middle Bethan stared at me. Pausing to lean on the broom I stared at her. Not in an accusingly kind of way but in what I hoped was a patient you can tell me anything kind of way.

“I didn’t mean what I said.” She took a step forward and then another one. Until she was rushing up the porch steps and into my arms. Dropping the broom I hugged her to me as she dissolved into sobs.

“Bethan , Bethan. What’s wrong? Tell me.” Around and around my hand went on her back as I tried to smooth her by rubbing small circles on her back.

A sob ripped its way out of her throat and the sound of it broke my heart. I had never heard her cry like this before. Not even when she had caught her fiancé in bed with another man. She had maintained her composure.

This was different.

What ever had happened to her had shattered her and I didn’t have a clue how to put the pieces back together again.

“I can’t.” She clutched at me. Her fingers gripping the back of my coat like claws and dragging it down until the zip dug into my throat. “I can’t. I wish I could but-“

I didn’t push her away even though it felt like she was choking me. Bethan needed me and I would never push her away when she did.

“You can tell me anything, Bethan.” My voice was choked because that’s exactly what was happening to me.

“I want to. I just feel dirty and-“

I stiffened in her arms. My heart was thundering in my chest. I didn’t like the way she said that. I didn’t like it one bit. “Let’s go inside babe. It’s cold out here and -“

“But I promised you that I would help clear up the mess from the storm.” She finally loosened her grip.

“You’re more important than the mess. I’m sure another storm will be around before long anyway.” Wrapping my arm around her still shaking shoulders. I turned back towards the house. “Let’s raid my nannas home made booze and have a good natter.”

“Girls night?”

“Girls night.” I nodded. “And then you can tell me what happened when you feel ready to.”

***

We drank.

Hell we drank a lot.

And we laughed and cried and danced.

There was a lot of that ,dancing.

“New tune.” Stumbling off the sofa where I had been throwing out some of my best moves I almost face planted the floor in my haste to get to the old record player. There was something so fun and nostalgic about listing to actual records. Even if they were crackly.

Changing it quickly I turned back to find Bethan laying flat on her back on the floor. She had her arm thrown across her eyes and even in my drunken state I could see she was crying again. “I feel so disgusting Audrey.”

Crawling towards her I stared at her. The time for laughing and dancing was over. The alcohol had done its job. Bethan was ready to talk.

“What-“

I had barely said the words when she spoke. “He put his dick in my mouth.”

I froze. I didn’t get offended by crude talk. We were both adults who did adult things and often talked about them in minute detail but she wasn’t talking about hooking up with her would be boss.

“Bethan.” My whisper sounded loud in the sudden silence.

“I let him.” She sobbed again. Hiding her face in her bands.

“But you didn’t want him to?”

She just sobbed even louder. Her whole body was shaking with them. “No. But I didn’t fight him. Well not hard enough. I was so shocked and then it was over and -“ she shuddered.

“Oh sweet girl.” Pulling her into my arms I cried a long with her. “None of that is your fault. None of it. He’s a-“

“I didn’t fight him though. I should have. I just wasn’t sure what was happening until it was too late. And I can’t get the taste of him out of my mouth.”

“None of this is my fault.” I said again.

“But it is. It is Audrey because I’m still going to take the job. What other choice do I have. It’s my dream and if i have to suck old man’s cock to get my dream then I will and-“

“He needs to be reported Bethan. That’s what he needs. He assaulted you and -“

She untangled herself from my arms. Rolling on to feet. “I know what happened to me Audrey. I’m the one who has to live with it but I want this job.”

“Even if it means he expects you to-“ I trailed off.

“Even then. He’s a powerful man and he holds my entire future in the palm of his hands so if he tells me to open my mouth and take it I will. What other choice do I have.”

I wanted to scream at her that of course she had choices. We all had choices. But I wasn’t sure she was ready to hear that. And she was right about him being a powerful man. If he wanted to he could bury her so she never worked again.

“Come and live with me.” I said again. “You were right earlier. I am lucky to have rich relatives. I can support us.”

She stared at me for a second. Her face a mixture of anger and heart break. “You know I can’t do that Audrey. Now let’s dance.” Spinning around she began to wiggle again.

And that was it. Bethan had opened up for as long as she was able to. She wasn’t like me. I couldn’t lock down my pain like she could.

“Dance with me Audrey.” Leaning down she caught my hands in hers and heaved me up. “Let’s dance and laugh and forget I even mentioned it.”

She might want to forget. But I knew she wouldn’t.

I wouldn’t be able to either. “Fine.” I forced myself to my feet. “But if I ever meet this man. I’ll hurt him.” I slurred but in my heart I meant every word I said. “I’ll kill him.”