Chapter 3. We Almost Crashed

By Any

We went in Ludmila’s car; she loves to drive fast.

She ran a yellow light, and another car coming down the side street took off a second too early—both of us slammed on the brakes just millimeters apart.

Both of them had very quick reflexes.

We got out of the car; the man got out too. He wasn’t very tall—he looked about the same age as my Uncle Willy or Agustín.—“You’re

an idiot; you pulled away on a red light,

” Ludmila snapped at him.—“Excuse

me, you ran a red light, and don’t call me an idiot.”

She replied, giving him a rather dirty look.—I’ll call you

whatever I want, and you were probably messing around with your cell phone, which is why you got distracted.

—Die Ludmi, she said, noticing he had his cell phone in his hand.

She has a pretty foul mouth and uses swear words as if they were everyday words.—There’s

such a thing as a hands-free device, and I wasn’t distracted; you were probably chatting and got distracted.—

“You’re an idiot.”

He looked at her and seemed to be enjoying the argument. “I

don’t say anything to you even if I’m insulting you, because I’m a gentleman.” “It

doesn’t show that you are, and it’s your fault.”

Ludmila, before speaking, lets her gaze wander over his body. “I can hear the volume of your car’s music

from here—you’re the schizophrenic or the crazy one.” “What

did you call me?

” Ludmi says, crossing her arms; he shamelessly stares at her chest, which is exposed by the way her arms are positioned, and replies with an infuriating smile.—

Crazy, nuts, out of your mind.—Idiot

, moron.—

I’m still ahead by one.

He says, smiling.

I already hate that smile of his.—Stupid

.

She almost spits as she says it.—“Any

problems?

” asks a police officer who’s just gotten out of a patrol car that happened to be passing by.—“This

moron almost hit me.”—

“It’s the lady who almost hit me, for running a red light.”—“I didn’t

run a red light; you took off while the light was red.”—“Did you two crash

?” the police officer

asks, confused.

—No,

they both answer at the same time.—

You’re causing a traffic nightmare just by arguing.

It’s true—there was a huge line of cars on both streets, honking nonstop, and neither of them seemed to notice.

The officer scolds them both.—I’m going to file a report against

you because you almost hit me.

Ludmila speaks to the officer.—You can’t

report me just because we almost hit each other.

The man in the car keeps smiling and seems to be enjoying himself.—

“That’s not a thing,

” says the officer.

Ludmila looks at him and suddenly starts yelling at the officer; I was already feeling a little embarrassed, even though I found the situation quite amusing.—“You

have something against me; last time you wouldn’t take my report.”

The officer looks at her and only then recognizes her.—You

stole a baby.

He accuses her.—“Did you steal

a baby?

” asks the man we almost hit—at least that stupid, arrogant smile has faded from his face.—“She didn’t

steal her; it’s my aunt’s baby,

” I interject.—“I wasn’t

wrong—you’re crazy, completely out of your mind.”

“Idiot,” Ludmila replies, and then turns to the officer, “and you have something against me—you didn’t take my report.” “I was

reporting that a condom was stolen from me.”

The officer remembers everything perfectly; I mean, it’s not every day someone reports a missing baby and also wants to file a report for the theft of a condom—though I’m sure Ludmila was joking about that. She’s always having fun and teasing my uncles because they have sex in all sorts of places.

“Did someone steal a condom from you and you wanted to report it?” “It’s

none of your business, you idiot. Now I’m going to report you.”

“No one’s going to take your report.”

“That’s what you think…”

Ludmila says, putting on a sultry voice, looking very sexy as she caresses the chest of the man who almost hit us while winking at him.

“Officer, you’re a witness that there was no collision.”

He didn’t answer Ludmila and seemed taken aback when she caressed him.

“You’re blocking traffic,

” the officer insists. “Miss

, behave yourself. And as I told you last time, there are real crimes out there, and you’re wasting my time. Look at the example you’re setting for this young lady

.”Is this cop stupid?

He sounds like a preacher from some religion.—Do you know

what kind of example you’re setting for me? Not to let myself be intimidated by men like you—one who almost hit us, and you… well, it was just a condom that my aunt grabbed, and she’s my little cousin’s godmother… so you didn’t steal it from her.

Ignore what I said—yes, he is a fool.—

Please stop blocking traffic and move along.—Ludmila

, it’s getting late; I’ll leave the documents with Agustín.

I say as we get into the car—I just saw an opportunity to try to spend some time alone with Agustín.

The man looked at us when I said that and immediately said to her, “Nice

to meet you… you nutcase.”

The man looked at her again with that smile that was meant to be sexy, and I think that infuriated Ludmila—or maybe she liked it; I don’t know.—“Idiot

,

” she grumbled as she got into her car and sped off.

We arrived at Agustín’s office; Ludmila got out for a moment to make sure I went inside.

I’m happy—I’m going to be alone with my favorite guy.

Agustín was at the door, waiting for us. “Hi

, sweetheart.”

Ludmila said to Agustín as she kissed him on the cheek; I just looked at him.—

Any will explain everything to you; she knows exactly what’s going on. It’s just that some jerk almost hit us and…

Agustín turned pale.—Are

you okay?

—Yeah, but that idiot wasted my time. Imagine, an officer just showed up who… You tell him; I can’t make it to where I need to go.

Agustín was about to say something, but when Ludmila turned around, she bumped into the very same man who had almost hit us.—Did you follow me

all the way here? I’m going to report you.—You’re crazy

—you’re so self-centered.—

You’re an idiot.—

You’re a reckless driver who doesn’t know how to drive.—

You jerk—you’re the one who doesn’t know how to drive.—

You ran a red light.

“You pulled away from a red light.” “You

were talking on your cell phone.” “You

were listening to music way too loud.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“You’re…” “Is he

the one you almost hit?

” Agustín asks me, amused, without interrupting them. “Yes

.”

He laughs; he seems to be enjoying himself.

He walked over to them, who were still hurling insults at each other.—Carlos

, meet my beautiful friend Ludmila—Ludmi. This is Carlos, my friend and business partner.—Is this

idiot your friend?

—Is this crazy woman your friend?

—Stupid.—Crazy

.

Ludmila didn’t answer him; she spoke only to Agustín.—Agus

, I’m leaving Any with you—it’s really late. Take her home later and tell your friend that she’s going to report him.

It seemed like Carlos—that’s the man’s name—wanted her to keep talking to him, or insulting him, but he definitely wanted Ludmi’s attention.—

Say it to my face.—I already

told you.—

Yeah, while you were caressing me and winking at me—you found me irresistible.

Ludmila bursts out laughing.—I’m going to report you for harassment, too

—you followed me.—I work

here.—I’m

not so sure about that.—You’re crazy

!

—Ludmila… wait, and you take Any home.

Agustín interrupts, without looking at me—that bothered me.—I’m

leaving on my own, but first I have to explain what my uncles want.

I replied, feeling offended.

He kissed me and touched me, and now he won’t even look at me and doesn’t want me near him.—

You take care of Any, honey, and remember she’s a minor.—Ludmila

, yell it out,

I say angrily; he’s making me look like a little girl.—

SHE’S A MINOR!

She yells as she walks away.—You’re crazy

,

says Carlos, Agustín’s friend.

Ludmila drives off, practically plowing through the traffic; now she was really running late.—“Should I

explain what Ivana and Willy want?

” I try to sound indifferent, just like him.—“Yes

, come to my office.”

The three of us go in; he lets me go first, placing a hand on my back to guide me through.

He immediately pulled it away as if it were burning him.

I turned to see where I was supposed to go; he kept walking, and we ended up standing very close together—I swear it was unintentional.

Still, I smiled at him, as if I’d gotten over his kisses.—Any…—I don’t

know where I’m supposed to go,

I say, trying to look innocent.—Go

up the stairs.

I went up first, and when I reached the last step, I stopped again—this time on purpose. I turned around, and we ended up at the same height, very close together once more.—Any

, you can keep walking.—It’s

just that I don’t know where I’m supposed to go, and you’re getting mad.—Just walk

, and I’ll tell you where my office is.

Carlos was looking at us, completely confused.

I take two steps and stop again, while they finish climbing the stairs.—Is

she your friend, from the group that always gets together?

Haha, she’s already asking about Ludmila.—Yeah

, I’ve told you a thousand times to come.

“When they were getting into the car, they mentioned your name, saying it was late, and that’s when I realized who she was, because the officer also argued with her—apparently he was the same one who…”

She tells Agustín. “Him

?

” he asks, intrigued, as he looks at me. “Yes

. Do you remember how they were laughing their heads off the other time? When, during a… reconciliation, Ivana and Willy……ended up in the office bathroom, and my aunt pulled a condom out of a desk drawer for Ludmi, and when she arrived, she heard them in the bathroom and took Catalina—who was sleeping in the portable crib Ivana keeps in the office—away… When they finished… they searched everywhere for my little cousin, and the police showed up…

They told that story at a gathering, but I don’t remember if they mentioned that the employee was after Willy.—

They panicked when they didn’t see Catalina. That day, Fernando went to the factory because an employee was stealing from them and, on top of that, wanted something with Willy.—Willy’s

calmed down now; he adores your aunt.

He stands up for his friend; he said it right away and with great confidence.—

It’s just that he’s really cute and always has a lot of girls after him, even though Ivana is the most beautiful.—Do you think your

uncle is cute?

—To Ivana, yes, but don’t worry, you’re much cuter.

I tell him as I wink at him.