Chapter 4 — Pitiful

Vivienne

In the morning, everything feels a bit grimmer.

Vivienne's head is pounding; she should've listened to her sister. She had to put that glass down. Now she has to face her new in-laws andnurse this hangover. She didn't stop after Gabriel left the wedding reception. She didn't see any point in doing so. She had to wash down the humiliation of being rejected with something, and the champagne helped. It served its purpose.

She sits up in bed, groaning. She can't believe how disastrous last night was. She's overcome with embarrassment and humiliation, the scorching kind that leaves no room for air. This hotel room was reserved for her and Gabriel, but she slept alone, obviously. She didn't expect him to show up, and it's not like anything would have happened even if he did. But everyone knows she came up alone, that her marriage is a mere façade. They only married because their families had mutual interests. Not love.

Whoever reserved the room under their name is sick and cruel. She can't recall who overlooked the reservations, she was sorely disinterested in the preparations. Her mother would try to convince her to be a little more enthusiastic about it, but how would she do that when she saw the way Gabriel treated her? The way he looked at her? She knew it wasn't a real marriage. This was a business deal.

Vivienne takes a good look around the room. The first thing she noticed in her drunken state last night were the curtains. They reminded her of her wedding dress, the way they hung from the frame. The pearly white color. She took her shoes off and walked barefoot to the deluxe king bed. Getting her dress off wasn't easy, but she managed. She slept in her underwear, didn't even make it under the covers.

This is exactly what she imagined their room would look like. The beige sofas on the other side of the room, the smell of clean linen and roses, the view of the entire city right from their window. She fantasized about this particular moment for years. She thought it would be romantic, that he'd carry her to bed and make sweet love to her. She's all alone, and that will never happen. She knows that now.

When their engagement was announced, she was only sixteen. It was nothing official, just an arrangement. Her father hadn't even laid the facts down on the table. Gabriel was eighteen at the time, as handsome as ever. They had a thing going on the whole summer. It was nothing sexual, he hadn't even kissed her at that point. They just spent a lot of time together, but she knew he felt something for her. She could see it in the way he looked at her, in his smile, whenever they accidentally 'touched'.

He kissed her the night of the announcement, her first kiss ever. Their first kiss. It was right before he left for Miami. Whenever she closes her eyes, she thinks of that moment. Everything seemed so perfect at the time, even though she knew he'd be leaving. In her adolescent mind, nothing could ruin their relationship. He called every night and they'd talk for hours. She'd fall asleep and he'd still be there, watching her.

She closes her eyes and shakes her head. She doesn't want to be late. She climbs out of bed. She eyes her wedding dress in a pile on the carpeted floor like a dying cloud. Why should she bother picking it up? She doesn't want to see it ever again. It will always remind her of yesterday, the worst day of her entire life.

She heads straight to the shower. She didn't mean to sleep this late. She blasts the hot water even though she should be doing the opposite and stands under the spray until her skin turns pink. She scrubs herself from head to toe, but she still doesn't feel clean. Will this feeling ever leave her?

She dries herself when she returns to the bedroom and opens her suitcase. Lingerie? Who did this? This has got to be some sick joke. She finds a long, flowy dress at the bottom. It's a little chilly, but this will have to do for now.

She doesn't even have time to dry her hair. She grabs a pair of sunglasses and makes her way out of the room. It's strange that no one came up to get her. Surely they didn't think she'd be in there with Gabriel, right? She hasn't seen him since he apologized to her near the restrooms.

How degrading. If she gives that another thought, she'll throw up. Sorry? Is that really all he had to say to her? He truly became an asshole, but instead of being angry, she's defeated. He still manages to hurt her, even after everything.

She finds Loretta downstairs, on the way to the restaurant. So she isn't that late. A small mercy. Her sister eyes her from head to toe and says, "You look like you need a glass of water. How's your head?"

"Pounding."

She has advil in her purse, and they order a bottle of water. That's Loretta Hill, always organized. Prepared for everything. She takes two tablets and downs the whole bottle. They're seated at their reserved table, alone. No one is here yet, it seems. "Where's everyone?" she asks.

"Well, you know mom takes an eternity in the bathroom, and I'm sure Suzette is no different. They'll be down in a bit." She bites her bottom lip. "How are you feeling? Apart from the massive hangover, I mean."

"Come on," Vivienne says beneath her breath. "How do you think I feel?"

"Have you thought about what I suggested last night?"

She shakes her head. "I didn't have time to think of that. I was tired, went straight to bed."

"You had a lot to drink, but I won't blame you. I can't imagine what it's like." She pauses for a beat, then adds, "Will you give it a thought?"

She massages her temples. "I don't know."

"You know what I think," she says. "Gabriel was a dick to you. Staying in this marriage makes no sense. They got what the wanted, now they can let you go."

"Etta," Vivienne says. "Can we not do this right now?"

She ignores her. "Are you still leaving with them after breakfast?"

"That's the most logical thing to do. I'm an Emerson now. I can't go back to living with our parents."

"At least you won't have to see Gabriel there, which has its disadvantages, too. Now that he's back in Florida, who knows when you'll be able to talk about the divorce. It has to be discussed at some point, right? I've said this before and I'll say it again; there was no need for marriage. If dad wanted to be James' partner, he could've easily done it. Then again, it didn't—"

Her world starts spinning. She didn't hear anything else. "Gabriel is in Florida?"

Loretta puts her hand over her mouth. "You haven't heard?"

She shakes her head lightly. "No, I didn't."

"I thought you knew," she says. "It was mentioned last night, you were sitting right there."

She was drunk, she didn't want to listen to anyone. It's like a stab to her heart. She knew he'd want to leave as soon as they married, but she wasn't expecting it to be this soon. It's so clear that he wants nothing to do with her, so painfully obvious. He's running from her as if she were a gargoyle, as if he didn't tell her he loved her once upon a time ago.

She wants to cry, but she bites her bottom lip until she tastes blood because she refuses to show how much this has affected her, especially in front of her family. Loretta knows how she feels, but no one else does. It's better that way. She doesn't need more pity. There'll be none from her father, but her mother will be disheartened if she ever finds out.

"They're coming," Loretta whispers to her. Vivienne tries to compose herself. She doesn't want her parents or her in-laws to see her like this, pale and heartbroken.

Her mother sits beside her and says, "Remind me to never come to this hotel again. The service is just awful. Can you believe that I didn't have a hair dryer in my room? Can you?"

"Sweetheart," Dave says forcefully. "This was James' idea. We don't want to appear rude and inconsiderate. Don't mention it again."

"Hellooo," Suzette says in a sing-song manner, wiggling her fingers in greeting. Her husband is right behind her. "Vivienne, my darling. How are you feeling?"

How cruel of her to ask when her son left without telling her a damn thing. "Perfect. Better than ever."

She winks. "That's what I like to hear."

James clears his throat. "Again, I apologize for my son's unforeseen departure. He had some urgent business to attend to in Miami."

"There's no need to apologize," her father says with a smile, answering for her. "Business is business." His words anger her. Of course he doesn't care. Why should he? He's gotten what he wanted and no one will confront him about it.

James takes a seat between his wife and Annabelle, his youngest daughter. "Daniel and Francesca won't be joining us, either. They had to take Little James to the hospital. He ate something bad last night. He was sick the whole night."

"How terrible," her mother says. "I hope he isn't too sick."

"Nothing some rest and medicine won't resolve," he assures her.

Vivienne takes a sip of water and tries not to look at anyone in the face. There's that feeling in her chest again, heavy and unforgiving. She wants to vomit. No, she wants to go back in time and fall out of love with Gabriel. It's what started this whole mess. If she weren't in love with him, she wouldn't have agreed to their marriage. She wouldn't have given her father any leverage.

Her father didn't feel the need to put pressure on her until a few weeks ago, when she stopped by his office and told him she had changed her mind. Marrying him was a bad idea, their relationship wasn't what it used to be before he left. He listened to her, took in every single word, and then he told her that it was too late to change her mind, that she would marry Gabriel Emerson even if he had to tie her to the altar.

She didn't have a choice.

Breakfast is ordered and she lets her sister decide what she'll have. She doesn't care. She's not even hungry. How can she eat at a time like this? Their food arrives. She doesn't touch her plate. She sips her lemon tea. She doesn't feel better, just worse.

"I heard about what Gabriel did to that place of yours in Miami," her father says. "You must be proud."

"I am," James says with a smile. "Gabriel surprised me. All of us, actually. I didn't think he had it in him and I've mentioned that a couple of times. He's doing a fine job."

"He's creating a name for himself."

"He is. And—"

Vivienne excuses herself from the table. All eyes are on her, but she doesn't care. She can't sit there and listen to Gabriel's accomplishments while she's dying on the inside. She can't bear to hear his name. She's hurt and angry and so devastatingly heartbroken. Never in her twenty-two years of life has she felt like this.

Loretta is right behind her. She only stops when she's a safe distance away from her family and the Emersons. Well, both her families. She catches up to her and clicks her tongue against her teeth. "Oh, Vivi."

"I can't do this," she says, letting tears finally fall. "I can't sit there and listen to them talk about Gabriel and ignore the fact that I married him yesterday and he isn't even here."

"I don't mean to be an asshole," she begins. "But you knew what you were getting into when you decided to go along with this. I know about your past, I heard you a hundred times. The fact is that he changed when he left, you knew that. Your relationship wasn't the same, yet you still agreed. You could've ended it then."

"Dad wouldn't have let me!"

"When you decided that you no longer wanted it, everything was prepared. It was too late, even I recognize that." She's right, of course she is. Vivienne doesn't comment. She has no argument and she knows it. The truth is that she thought that things would get better, that he'd change. He'd been away for a long time, maybe he was just uncomfortable. But it wasn't the case. "You're going to have to endure this until the divorce. I'm sorry, Vivi, but you don't have another choice."

The rest of the morning goes by in a blur. They keep talking about things that don't matter. Before she realizes it, her mother's making a show of being devastated that she's leaving and she's nestled between Suzette and Annabelle in their car. Loretta promised to pay her a visit later. Her father didn't say anything to her. She didn't expect him to.

The drive isn't long. Suzette keeps talking about the weather and other trivial things. Vivienne doesn't comment or say anything. The severity of the situation is slowly sinking in. She knew she'd be living with them, but she has no idea what to expect. She was taking it one step at a time, she didn't want to feel overwhelmed. Loretta was right, it's a good thing that Gabriel won't be there. How would she face him? How willshe face him when she sees him again?

They arrive.

She considers this mansion her second home. She joined her parents here every weekend, ran around the lawns when she was just a child. She loves this place, but the thought of moving in hasn't sunk in. This place had its charm when Gabriel was around, when she'd watch him tend to plants and read with his back against a tree.

Everyone files inside the house, but she chooses to remain outside. She needs some air before she follows them inside and assumes her position as a new member of the Emerson family. She makes her way through the trees and down the stone path. She hasn't been here in a while.

"Vivienne." It's James. Did he follow her here? She didn't hear him come up behind her. "May we have a word?"

She nods. "Of course."

He starts walking and she falls in step beside him. The silence that envelops them is uncomfortable and she wishes vehemently that he'd just say what he wants to say. She's not used to being around James Emerson, this is new to her. She's known him for years, but they've never really talked. The only time they did, he asked her whether she was sure she wanted to marry Gabriel. It was an odd question, but she didn't mind it at the time. She said yes, she was happy to.

She wishes she could take that back.

"I hope you'll enjoy your stay with us," he begins. "This is all new to you. You've never been away from your parents."

She gulps. "I'm sure it won't be that bad. I could always visit my family if I happen to miss them."

"Of course," he says. "I wanted to talk to you about this. You see, Benjamin, our driver and Suzette's bodyguard, he has a lot on his plate at the moment. He's always with Suzette and Francesca, and you know how they can be. They're almost never home. I decided to ask Connor to help you, just until we find someone else for the job. He'll drive you around, stay by your side. Protect you. It isn't safe nowadays, and I promised your father I'd take good care of you." Her heart sinks a little at the mention of Connor, and he noticed. He always does. "I hope it isn't a problem?"

She gulps and shakes her head. "Absolutely not. It's very kind of you, Mr. Emerson."

"We're family now, Vivienne. There's no need for the formality. James will do." She blushes at his words. "I'll let Connor know that you've agreed. In the meantime, well, make yourself at home. You know your way around. If you need anything, you can just ask me or Suzette."

She lowers her eyes. "Thank you. Again, you're very kind for this."

He takes her chin between his fingers and peers at her with a saddened expression that demoralizes her. The moment doesn't last long, he's already on his way back to the house. But it remains with her, killing her slowly.

In the comfort of the garden, her favorite place on the world, tears finally spill down her cheeks.