10

- Sweet Jesus ! He's not with Melanie?

- She herself came but has already left. She has young children and no one to really rely on to look after them. I myself have to go back down to Douala this night because I have an imperative which I cannot absolve myself tomorrow at first light.

- Hum! Lionel. It's 9 p.m. here, even if I wanted to, I couldn't hit the road right away. Hopefully tomorrow morning. Who is he going to spend the night with? His fiancée isn't here?

- She is not there anymore…

- Ekie! How come she's not here anymore?! She abandons him now why?!

- No Magguie you're not there; she did not survive….

- Meumaaa ooooooooooo No!

- I tell you…

- And the child?

- Both died instantly

- Ateuhhhhh!

My door crashes open on mom

- What is Magguie again? Who is dead ?

- Wokoloooo Ok Lionel I will take the first bus tomorrow morning.

- Ok. Thank you, I'm going to go there, I'm not going to lie to you, I'm not even sure he'll make it through the night… someone needs to be by his bedside tonight.

- I understood I understood. I will call his sister Melanie thank you very much

- What else is Magguie?

- Mom oooooo my life here, what did I even do to people?

- Speak my daughter you scare me!

I look at my children who have their eyes fixed on me. I get up and drag my mother out of the room. I brief her on what I just learned. Between exclamations and others, she calls Papa Jean but he is off the network. I call Melanie. She picks up on the second ring

- Good evening Melanie it's Magguie

- Yes I know Magguie my brother ooooo that is to say that I do not know what crime my family committed to be thus punished Woyooooooo

- Calm down. We need someone with him tonight. It looks like it's serious?

- Magguie, it's very serious, we can't even transfuse him with blood, you know how sick he is here… He's lost a lot of blood, they say his vital organs have been affected.

- Eeeee aaaa Arthur ooooo. Mélanie is watching tonight please I'm taking the first bus tomorrow morning

- I have no choice, the children will stay with my neighbor here.

- Ok in the morning then

I hung

- Hmm. What story is that?! Magguie your husband had the accident the same day we buried his mother!

- I'm overwhelmed mom!

- His sister tells you what?

- How serious

- Hum! You have to leave, but don't make a decision there without consulting me. I will stay and watch over the children here.

- Thanks Mom

- But where is his fiancée to watch over him?

- Hum Ma'a that's even the saddest thing: she didn't survive

- She didn't survive what? I do not understand very well

- I say she was in the same car and she did not survive

- Zambeu wam (My God)! And the child?

- both dead

- Not possible !

- I tell you !

We went from wailing to wailing and praying before sleeping. At 5 a.m. I was on the first Garanti bus at 9 a.m. I was at the CHU. I was told the emergency room and I went there with a knot in my stomach. The smell of the hospital what horror! There's a very skinny lady on the other bed. The kind that you tell yourself if you even blink your eyes you'll find she's dead. Arthur… at the sight of him I hold back a sob. He is lying down he is there without being there his eyes are glassy his head buried in a bandage his left arm bandaged his right infused. It smells bad, to believe that it was over.

-Arthur….

- Hmmmm

His perfused hand seeks mine. I run up to him to take it without a word. Tears just flow from my eyes. Arthur is in very bad shape. I make a short prayer to heaven, without much conviction hoping for a miracle. His hand stays in mine for a moment and then I realize he's gone still. I check, he just fell asleep. So I get up and leave the room to call mum, brief her and find some items to clean up Arthur.

(…)

I walk out of the shared bathroom from here where I went to clean myself up after taking care of Arthur. He is finally presentable. We couldn't discuss he struggles to express himself. He says with great difficulty the first syllable of my first name. When I enter the room, the doctor is at his bedside. He touches him and asks him questions to which Arthur answers only with hmmmmm. I am getting closer

- Hello Dr, I am his wife

- Ah ok Ms.

He is concerned

- Can we meet in my office?

- Of course

I lean towards Arthur and whisper to him

- I will be back

We go out and go to his office.

- Madam, the case of your husband I will not hide it from you is very critical

- Tell me more doctor

- The test battery that we passed confirms our fears. He is HIV-positive and therefore cannot be transfused. Moreover, he had a perforated intestine and I even fear a hemorrhage in the skull.

- Hmm

- We can try to operate on him to add a few days of life to him, but the disease had already taken hold of his body, obviously he was not being treated or was taking medication which weakened his immune system.

- If it is necessary to operate it so that it survives then do it Doctor. The rest is in God's hands.

- It's up to you to decide. Personally I am one of those who thinks that a life is priceless but here I will be frank we are going to heal a wound but that will not remove from his body the strongly inked virus which has at the limit destroyed his immune system .

- Dr. operate on him! How much is needed for this? I will seek the funds

Already I got up. He described the procedure and the amount to be paid, deposit included. I left rejuvenated. If we manage to stop his bleeding and close his perforated intestine, he could finally accept triple therapy and he will be better. I go back to see him in the room and whisper in his ear

- It's going to be fine eh Arthur. We're going to operate on you. You will feel better

- Mag...guy...

- It's gonna be okay be strong

I get up and go out to make phone calls. I have to clear my account and ask my sisters for help. I'm hungry, I'm thirsty. I go outside and get some oranges some plums and some corn. On the way to her room an unlisted number calls me

- Maggie?

- Yes ?

- Morning. It's Angel...

- Oh! Angel ! Morning

- How is it over there?

- It's not terrible. We have to collect some money for him to be operated on.

- How much do you need?

- 2,000,000 deposit 500,000

- Ok, I see here how much I can even find you by tomorrow.

- OK, thanks a lot.

- No… it's me who thanks you. You... you were very strong. Really, thank you.

- …………

- Bye!

She had already hung up. I go back inside and wedge the pillow tightly against his head and try to get him to take the squeezed orange juice from a plastic cup. He eats well.

- Thank you Magguie

- Rest

- …. THE …. Children ?

- They are fine. They say hello to you

- …Hmm

He tries a sneer I guess

- …May…. How are you ?.....

- I'm doing well. Rest Arthur. You are tired

- I am in pain….

- Where ?

He points inside his chest at me. I'm worried. I reassure him as best I can and go out to make my calls, I need this money as soon as possible. He needs to have surgery.

(….)

My sisters send me money during the day. 500,000 each, Ange sent me a million. I'm going to take a moment as soon as he's resting there to withdraw some money from my savings account. And recover these disputed mandates. Since I've been here yesterday, I don't know if it's psychological, but I have the impression that Arthur is better than when I arrived yesterday morning.

I just cleaned it again. I ended up taking diapers from him. He can't explain to himself how he gets on it and is very embarrassed that I have to go through this. I don't mind that much. It is my husband. For better and for worse. My phone is ringing

- Hello ?

- Maggie? Morning

- Morning… ?

- This is Armand NGUEFACK

Here then ! My husband's sidekick. They were doing the 400 hundred blows together. Very aware of the story with Maeva and walked without embarrassment with my husband and his girlfriend

- Oh! Hello Armand

- How's it going ?

- We are here. We're holding on.

- I entered the city just now. I want to go see him but I don't know the visiting hours.

- You can come even now huh. The visiting hour has already started

- Ok, I'm coming then

I return to the room and tell him that his friend is coming. Weakened as he is, he manages to nod. Mom finally had Papa Jean who is on his way to Ydé. He will be there shortly. My phone rings again, it's Armand. Obviously he was not far from the CHU. I tell him our building and he finds us without worry. As soon as he comes to see his friend my phone rings again this time it's dad Jean. He is also at the gate. I also indicate to him he enters. As they are there, I take the opportunity to wash my face a little then I join them and spend the rest of the visit period together, until the end of the visit time when Armand leaves. Papa Jean goes to his brother's house in Ydé. No sooner do I accompany them not far than I return to my patient's bedside. He is sleeping. The lady next door's nurse tells me

- Mrs. he asked for you when you left there and he made a funny noise

- Ah good ?

I get closer to him and realize he's wet his bed. This is not a first. But on the other hand when I observe him he no longer seems to be breathing.

- Ekie! Arthur!!!!

I try to take his pulse. I even put the back of the stainless steel spoon that I had there on his nose to watch out for steam: nothing

-Arthur!!!!

I shake him he is inert no gesture. His body is certainly not cold yet, but I'm terrified. I rush out!

- Doctor! Dr! Nurse !!!

The nurse next door comes running

- He's not breathing!

She comes, takes her parameters and puts her artillery down with a sad and closed face. She goes out and comes back with the doctor

- Dr. what's going on? I'm still waiting for the money we send today we can operate tomorrow

But he's not listening to me and using his stethoscope tries to listen to Arthur's heartbeat. He puts it away and tells me

- Be strong Madam. He left

- Gone where? How so ?

- Nurse cover his body. Madame if you have family call her.

- No ! close his face why?! If it is necessary to shock him! He will be back ! We are going to operate tomorrow! No ! Arthur oooooo

I shake it loudly

- Madam, this is a hospital! There's a patient next door. We don't cry here. Calm down !

- Yes, I am calming down doctor. His father is coming out of here, wait, I'll call him back!

I sniffle when I make the call. He picks up immediately

- Papa Jean you have to come back here, sorry

- I'm coming !

He hung up. Here is my husband who had already been covered in white and nurses wanted to carry him

- Huh huh leave it there! I'm waiting for my stepfather!

It was at this precise moment that Alma called me to tell me that she had just given me the mandate.

- Alma, what else am I going to do with the money? They say Arthur is gone...

- Noooooonnnnnnn

- Eeeee aaaaa na! Here I am alone in this Yaoundé with the corpse of my husband. As I came to babysit my sick Alma oooooooooo I'm finished!

It didn't take long for Papa Jean to show up again. He came back with his brother. I had already had Mom and Hono on the phone. Between crisis of tears and consorts, mom told me that she would not let me live this experience alone. That she would come the same evening. My in-laws handled the situation brilliantly. I signed everywhere I had to sign without really knowing what I was doing. I asked Papa Jean for a moment of solitude. He insisted on taking me back to his brother's house with him, but I told him I wanted to be alone for a while. That I was going to get myself a room somewhere. Two days that I slept on the public benches of the hospital two days that I have no life two days that I live badly with death at my side. I want to be alone and rest. I will face mourning only after I sleep.

(…..)

Here we are again in NLONG but this time it is I who is in mourning. It's me who's sitting on the mat dressed in white. I see my children in my mother's skirts. I stopped mourning Arthur the day after he died. I snapped out of my lethargy as soon as my mother showed up in town that same night. We returned together to my father-in-law's family and the next day we returned home to Douala.

Once at home my first instinct was to take a long shower and then take care of my orders. Mom tried to force me to rest but I categorically refused. The house quickly filled with aunts and cousins who came to cry with me. I welcomed their affliction with serenity. I had no answers to the questions

“What are you going to do now? »

"So young but already widowed, how will the children do without their father"?

I myself picked up the little ones from school and instead of taking them straight home, we went for ice cream. And there I explained to them that dad went to heaven

- In heaven mom?

- Yes Lloyd

- He will be back ?

- No my darling…

- But how are we going to see him again?

- He's there… (I pointed to his head) and there…. (and his heart)

- Was he very ill mum?

- Very sick Mai….

- Hum! Either way, it won't hurt you anymore.

- My baby… he made mistakes but he's still your father

- … I do not love him anymore

- I know, but you have to forgive him. Think about your good times okay?

- … I'll try

I squeezed my heart so as not to shed my tears. I never imagined that my child would hate his father before and after his death. I never imagined that I would find myself a widow at 28. I never imagined that I would experience a sad and tumultuous marriage towards the end of my husband's life. Arthur… gone so young! Because of stupid things done. Now in his fall he dragged down a girl who was also young... and an innocent.

(….)

My sisters-in-law scream their pain at the top of their lungs around their brother's coffin. My children are the guarded property of my mother. They end up like that to go and wear them and strongly display their affliction. Promises not to abandon the children and me are raining down everywhere. Arthur's family shows me unwavering support. His father…his uncles…his cousins…his friends.

I observe my father-in-law; He took quite a blow of old. In a month he buried wife and son. He has his back arched. I'm not sure I'll hold out for another mourning anytime soon. May he still hold on sorry.

After the funeral, I stayed at NLONG for another 9 days for the widowhood rites and the novena once. Mom stayed with me. The morning of my departure Papa Jean made me sit down

- Madame ZOGO, it is commonly said that death separates people but for me you remain my daughter-in-law. Don't walk away from us. Don't deny us our children. This is all we have left of Arthur

- I will do no such thing.

- Did he infect you too?

- Pardon ?

- His disease there… he infected you with it?

- No Daddy

- That's why you didn't sleep with him anymore, isn't it?

- Yes… I wanted him to take care of himself Papa Jean, he refused to accept his status even at first.

- Hum… May God lend your wisdom to my daughters….

- But Papa Jean how did you know? I did everything not to spread the word

- He told me at the hospital the day he died there; when you've been out for a while

- … OK !

- He was asking for help. He said he was afraid to die

- And he died without telling me anything daddy

- He was too ashamed to talk to you. He made you suffer too much and he admitted it in front of me and his friend that day. We even made him promise to ask your forgiveness. I thought he would but alas he didn't have time

- …..

- Go in peace, you remain of my family my children too.

- Ok Daddy John

I returned to Douala with Mom and it was during the return trip that I told her what Arthur was suffering from and the crux of our dispute.

- I understand why you didn't want to talk about it… But you don't have anything?

- I did my test and even did it again: I have nothing, mum

- Ok… That's the main thing. You have to move on in life my child. It's just a stage you've been through. Cherish your good times always speak well of him to your children and pray to your God

- It will be a little difficult with Maï, she was already angry with him before his death

- I know… we can only watch her evolve while praying that she forgives him over time.

Back in Douala, I kept the white for 3 months. Period during which I decided to go visit Maeva's mother. I haven't told anyone about it. I went there alone, I rang the bell at this apartment and it was the same sagging mum who came to open the door. She recognized me right away and offered to let me in.

- Can I get you something to drink?

- No mum… I… I just wanted to send you my sincere condolences.

- … Thank you my child. I haven't had the opportunity to send you mine… Although I doubt very much that they would have been sincere. Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against you but so far I can't get rid of the anger I feel against your late husband...

- You are not the only one. My daughter also resents her father very much.

- Not you ?

I have a weary smile

- What's the point ? I accepted my fate and decided to move forward in life. Arthur and your daughter were in a bubble. Despite my many recommendations to him to take care of himself, he refused to accept his illness and sank into perversion. To believe that he was angry with others for not being sick….

- My daughter started torturing me like this when she was 15. Basically, that it ends like this does not surprise me.

- You must make peace with yourself Madam. You still have your other daughter… Nathalie, right?

- They are two to stay with me; Nathalie is the youngest, they have an older sister who has returned to the convent and my son who follows orders. He wants to become a priest

- Ok. I wanted to come and support you, it's sincere. I will leave now

- I'm glad to see you again. Glad you're not devastated

- It's okay, I'm holding on. I lost Arthur long before he suddenly died….. Goodbye Madam

- Bye

My life resumed its normal course, shared between my business and my children. I was living a very amorphous life, in deep lethargy. I suddenly stopped having a taste for life. I suddenly stopped being a mother in the deep sense of the term. I heard all the time

- Magguie, aren't you looking at your children's notebooks tonight?

- Mom look at my skirt is torn

- Maggie! Your son is coughing! I'm not their mother huh! I have to do everything in this house?!

Sometimes it was even Marc's girlfriend who came more and more frequently to the house who took care of braiding Mai without even consulting me. I had to get out of my lethargy when mom also started to develop health problems and despite her repetitive rounds in the hospital it still wasn't going well. Alma gave him his papers and the fateful day finally arrived. It's a mom with big dark circles under her eyes and very pale that we accompanied to the airport Marc, the children and me. The mourning of Maï and Lloyd at the time of boarding was considerable.

- Wekeeeee my grandchildren I'm coming back huh! Cry no more!

- You better come back! I can't take it anymore, I told him, forcibly holding back my excessive frustration.

She hugged me and whispered in my ear

- Watch over those Magguie children. They only have you.

- I know mum…

I squeezed it very tightly in my hands and remembered the time of my young childhood when I took this freedom. The voice from the mic there again called people from his flight

- Mom you have to go!

- Yes oooooo Marc here I am leaving to watch over your sister and her children. They only have you

- You can count on me mum!

We all watched him leave, me with heavy hearts and Mai and Lloyd all whiners.